Talking Horses

One of the problems of being out of work is you develop a reversed sleeping pattern. In a way that isn’t such a bad thing as you’re not forced to endure daytime TV, but it does lead to all sorts of problems with sleep. At the moment I’m going through a bit of an insomnia spell, partly caused by excess ‘fun’ on Saturday night in Brixton, and lying in bed all day on Sunday recovering.

I Also seem to be having really strange dreams at the moment. I often have strange dreams but these are almost recurring (odd dreams that is, not a singular dream, although I do go through spells of having recurring dreams) . My latest dream is one of the most bizarre for good few weeks and it went a little like this, if anyone can shed any light on what the hell any of it means, I’d be grateful.

The Dream:

I found myself in my parents old house, the house of my childhood and it was on fire. Not wanting to succumb to the flames I ran outside, but as soon as I opened the door I was confronted with a large dark horse which ran at me. I shit myself and closed the door in fear and went back into the flames. Yet I knew I had to get out, so I went to the other door and tried that way. Sure enough the horse was still there, and it was still raining. This time however, rather than running at me the horse spoke. I do not know what it said, but it spoke. It then handed me some papers announcing it was a pedigree?! After looking at the papers, I looked back at the horse, and there was a strange, but slightly familiar man standing next to the horse in the rain. He worse glasses, a flat gap and a long beige trench coat. For some reason I think he was a builder.

Odd eh? I have my own theories on this. I recently fell out with the girl I love enormously, and I don’t think I will love anyone as much as her again, or find anyone like that. She is, was rather, everything to me – my reason for going on and getting up each day. She may not of been my girlfriend but we did have ‘moments’ together more than once, and she has always been there for me over the past few years. However I went and acted like a jealous fucking prick the other night and tore it all apart. She now hates me and it is tearing me apart. I only acted like a jealous prick because of what she has told me in the past, and others have told me, I witnessed first hand how she was treated; fists in the face and all sorts.

So I went out on the weekend and had an alcohol and ketamine fueled bender, and then spent much of Sunday, Monday and Today holding back tears and smiling. I love life. There’s just so much shit to deal with I don’t know if I have the strength with out her. She made it worth while.  Not saying I am going to take my own life, just saying my life is going to be shit with out her in it.

Anyway… what do you reckon that dream is all about?

~ by idledown on October 24, 2006.